The Toliet Dilemma

Riley Pavelich
Essay
Advanced comp
19 November 2007

The Toilet Dilemma

Toilet seats were made to stay down. When some inconsiderate male leaves the seat up it requires extra time and effort by the next female that uses the pot to put it down. Plus we have to touch the disgusting, germ-ridden thing.

Some have said that the whole toilet seat situation is no big deal. Why should we care it the seat is up, it doesn’t hurt anyone? Wrong. What happens to the poor, unsuspecting woman who feels nature’s call in the middle of the night? I’ll tell you. It’s dark. She doesn’t turn on the light. She assumes the seat is down. She sits. She falls straight into the bowl. Her husband, incomparable jerk that he is, comes to see what all the noise is about. He finds her horrid predicament hilarious. She divorces the douche bag. Do you see the harm in it now?

Putting the seat down would irradiate this whole nasty business. If all males did this, they would suddenly find their significant others more loving and affectionate. With the current state of affairs it’s almost as if woman’s suffrage never happened. Putting the seat down is demeaning. Every time we do it we risk contracting syphilis, gonorrhea, and pink eye. If you males did this one little thing, it would bring us one step closer to equality.

So the next time one of you chauvinistic pigs leave it up, be reminded of what you do to us. We are exposed to diseases and have to waste our valuable time. I purpose that we round up every scumbag that has ever left the seat up and dip them in a pool of hydrochloric acid. Only then will our gender know true and lasting freedom.